Chapter 17
I wake up tired. I have to force myself out of bed because all I want to do is curl beneath the blankets and hibernate. But I tell myself I have to get up, I have to do this. And then I do. Get up, that is.
I shower, more hair falling out in my hand when I comb my fingers through it. I try not to care, but tears run down my face anyway, mixing in with the rainfall of water coming from my showerhead.
There aren’t the tell-tale bruises of Alaric being unfaithful, but something is wrong. Werewolves don’t often get sick, but I know that I am.
I drag myself to the food court, grabbing a banana which I barely eat before throwing the peel and remaining flesh into the bin to decompose.
My team are doing Tai Chi with Beta Raven this morning, and holding those poses before transitioning to the next is tiring. I think I need to go to the Pack hospital. Maybe I’m iron deficient. Blair, a human girl I worked with for a short time in a diner in Orange City was iron deficient. She was always tired. Her skin was pale, even though she was white like me. Yeah, that could be it. Still. I should go to the pack hospital and see if they have iron tablets.
After morning training, I head to the southeast border with Logan and Hayden. Today is easier as I’m familiar with the terrain, but I still fall behind as the guys walk ahead.
My throat feels sore today, like when I speak, it hurts. I pass a tree when my throat hurts a little more, and I cough. The cough is a wet one, almost as if I have to get phlegm out of my lungs. Because of this, I raise my elbow to my mouth so I can cough into it. Nothing comes out at first, but when I hack up some more, I’m left with a fine mist of red on my skin. Fuck. Quickly I rub at it, removing all signs of blood.
“Are you okay?” Logan asks, coming up to me.
“Yup,” I reply, hoping my heated cheeks don’t give away my lie. He looks at me and I cough again. I try to repress it, but it just backfires, and I hack up more blood.
“Maybe you should go see the doctor,” Logan says with concern. I nod, hiding my bloody elbow crease above my face so he doesn’t see. Logan gives me a strange look before turning around and walking away. I sigh with relief and quickly rub this blood off.
Thankfully I don’t cough again, although I do feel shattered.
“Maybe you should get a coffee,” Hayden suggests on the way back to the car.
“Yeah. I think you’re right. I went to bed late last night,” I say with a smile. Hayden nods and we get into the car.
I meet Isabella and Erin up for lunch, and instead of getting my usual meal, I order a coffee at Erin’s work. It gives me the boost I need, and I’m grateful that it worked. Maybe I should start every day with a coffee.
I’m amped to train, but instead of getting a staff to practice, I decide to go to the boxing room instead. I begin wrapping my hands up for the glove when a Delta calls for me.
“Yeah? What’s up?” I ask, walking up to the guy. I’ve seen him around but don’t know his name yet.
“Commander Alaric wants to see you,” the Delta tells me.
“Oh!” I reply, feeling surprised. Maybe my day is looking up after all. I pull my gloves off and give them to the Delta, who takes them with a look. I just grin and his face melts, as if saying, anything for you.
I hope Alaric is in a better mood today. He ignored me yesterday, acting like he didn’t know me, and I want to know why.
I knock on the door of his office and open the door, without waiting for him to answer.
“Can I help you?” he asks, turning around in his chair. And now I feel stupid.
“Uh, you wanted to see me?” I ask, feeling unsure.
“Oh. Yeah. This is for you,” Alaric says, turning back to his table before turning to hand me a thick envelope.
“What is this?” I ask.
“It’s your bank details and a bank card. Ophelia apologised that it took so long to get to you,” Alaric tells me.
“Ophelia?”
“Our gamma,” Alaric says, the expression on his face beginning to show uninterest.
“Oh. Does this pack have a commissary?” I ask, looking over at him. Alaric places the straw from his green goo drink into his mouth and sips. My stomach responds by squeezing itself inside me.
“Yeah. On the ground floor near the entrance. There’s a post shop there too if you want to collect anything you ordered online,” Alaric says. He turns around then, totally ignoring me.
“Um, Alaric…” I begin. Alaric turns to look at me, his forehead creased in thought.
“Yeah?”
“Did you want to…” I begin, wanting to ask him to have dinner with me tomorrow night, but he takes another sip of his drink, and my stomach hurts again.
“Never mind,” I sigh. Alaric shrugs and turns back to his desk. All I see now is his back.
“Bye, I guess,” I mutter under my breath.
I feel tears build up in my eyes and I want to just kick myself. Why bother trying when he’s obviously uninterested? My wolf, Pan, hides her head under her paw, and I feel her.
But I have money now. I can get those things I was hoping for.
I don’t bother going back to the boxing room. I’m excited about getting my bank card so that I can spend money when I realise, I don’t know how much I’m getting paid. I never cared or asked Dad how much Swan Moon’s Deltas earned, but I knew with Dad’s and mum’s combined income that we were pretty well off.
I’m about to head back to Alaric’s office to ask when I recall his indifference towards me, and I see Dharia heading around the corner. I’d rather not be in the same breathing space as that she-wolf, so I back off and head down the nearest hallway.
Happily, I’ve stumbled on a thoroughfare that leads me directly towards the pack’s foyer, where the commissary is. I’ve walked past it several times but haven’t taken much consideration of it. The commissary is called ‘Silva House Goods,’ and the storefront window displays mannequins in various styles of fashion. Which is why I haven’t gone in. I haven’t been interested in clothes, and these brands are ones I know that are expensive, like Kathmandu and Macpac. In my past life, I had clothes from these brands, but not anymore.
I walk into the store and wander around. There was a reason Tatum never took me here. Yeah, the place has clothes, but it’s more like a Kmart or Warehouse than anything else. There are a couple of rows of expensive brand clothes, but there’s also whiteware, brownware, stationery and food items. It’s like a camper’s heaven. Camper slash average middle-income person’s heaven.
“Hi, is there anything I can help you with?” a she-wolf, a couple of years older than me, asks.
“Um. Yeah. I live in one of the guest rooms and I was wondering what the possibilities there were to get a portable oven and beer fridge for my room?” I ask. The whitewares that I see are the big versions of what I want.
“Oh. You’re not in a studio then?” the girl asks.
“Studio? No. Can you get studios?” I ask. She gives me a thinking look before she speaks again.
“I guess you’re new because they’ve put you in a guest suite…” the she-wolf muses, tapping her chin.
“Yeah. I’ve been here almost a week and a half,” I agree.
“Hmm. And you’re not a Delta?”
“Well, yes, but I don’t want to live in a dorm. I like my solitude,” I admit, feeling sheepish. I hope living in a dorm isn’t my only option. I’d rather not.
“Well, you should have come sooner then. Lucky it’s quiet,” she says, giving me a wink.
“I’m Dawn, by the way. Come with me,” she says, indicating the front counter. I follow her to where her computer is set up.
“Usually, you have to get this done at admin, but lucky you, I have connections,” she says, typing away. I listen to her fingers tap on the keys when she indicates for me to come to see what she’s doing.
“Are you, hacking the system?” I ask.
“Shh, not so loud,” Dawn scolds. When she sees my surprised face, she laughs.
“Unlike my brother, I was always held up in my room, on my computer. See, we’re in,” she grins.
“What room are you in?”
“Three-three-two,” I tell her. Dawn furrows her brows and searches for my room.
“Evie Daniels?” she asks.
“Yeah…” I nod. I watch as Dawn copies and pastes my name, before opening another window that shows available rooms on the fifth floor.
“What about five-three-five…” Dawn muses.
“How many floors does this place have?” I ask. Dawn smirks.
“Room five-three-five is actually in the building next door. They had to build more rooms as our pack got bigger,” she explains.
“From the desertion of the north,” I murmur.
“Yeah,” Dawn agrees. After the events that led to the Race War almost thirty years ago, many sub-species who lost their homes fled to the South in search of a better life. The North, which once thrived, flipped sides with the South, and now the South is more heavily populated by werewolves, witches and other sub-humans.
When the authorisation panel comes up, Dawn types in the name ‘Kane Weston,’ she then types a ten-symbol password into the next panel.
“Who’s Kane Weston?” I ask. The name is familiar, but I can’t pinpoint how I know it.
“He’s my dad,” she tells me.
“Oh,” is all I say.
“Can you put in a six-digit number in here? Don’t show me,” Dawn tells me, stepping out of her seat. I go to sit in her spot when Dawn tells me she’ll be right back and leaves to attend to a customer.
Dawn is still with a customer when I’m finished putting in my number, which I assume is for the keypad to the studio’s door, so I save it and go explore the store.
If I’m not getting a portable oven or fridge for my room, I look for other things I can spend my money on instead. Like this laptop, I see it on a row of benches. It’s seven hundred and fifty dollars, which isn’t cheap, but I have that money already saved in my other bank account.
“Laptop?” Dawn asks, peering over my shoulder.
“Yeah. Thinking about it,” I admit.
“You can afterpay it if you want it now,” she tells me.
“I can do that?” I ask.
“Yup. Want to ring one up?” she asks. I nod and she smiles, going into a back room marked ‘staff’.
Dawn comes out with a cardboard box for the laptop and I grab some accessories, like a mouse (I hate the touchpads, I need a mouse), USB drives, and also some rubbish bags to move my stuff from my current room to my new room.
“I’m closing in five for lunch, can I help you move?” Dawn asks as she rings me up. I smile.
“If you want…”
“I’ve got nothing else to do,” Dawn tells me.
“Uh…”
“Sorry. Social skills aren’t my forte. Computers are,” Dawn admits, her cheeks going red.
“Me too,” I say, thinking of my friends in Swan Moon. I’m grateful for them, even though in the end it looked like they took Hadley’s side. If it wasn’t for them, I’d have ended up hating my talent for music because of how isolating it made me.
Dawn smiles and I watch her ring up her other customer before closing her shop.
“I thought there was a post office around here,” I say as Dawn walks with me to my room.
“Oh. I’m the post office. It goes through me. I get a pup to deliver mail after school. You bought something?” she asks.
“No. But can I post through you, too?” I ask.
“Yes. But it’s easier to just go to reception and post there.”
I nod and punch in the key code to my room. Dawn doesn’t seem surprised when she walks in and sees my room. She places my new laptop on my bed and helps open rubbish bags to put my limited supply of clothes into them.
“How long have you been here again?” Dawn asks after we’ve filled only two rubbish bags with my stuff.
“Um. A couple of weeks?” I ask. I’m not sure how long I’ve been here, the days seem to bleed into each other. And I’m tired. Like really tired.
“Shit! You’re her!” Dawn gasps.
“Huh?”
“Sorry, sorry. I had dinner with my parents last week, and they were talking about what the Olson boys and their friends did to you. Herding you into the pack using cattle prods? Fucking arseholes!” Dawn says. I smile at her outburst.
“Yeah, that was me,” I admit. Dawn nods. We walk down the hallway and Dawn directs me towards the building where my new home will be. The building is linked by a covered walkway.
“I also live in a studio here,” Dawn tells me as we walk.
“This pack is not what I expected when I arrived,” I murmur as Dawn points out her door as we walk along.
“Because of your first impressions with those shitheads?” she asks.
“Yeah. You’re all so friendly. Not what I expected. I was all ready to take off the first chance I got and report your pack to the council.”
“I heard they’re already here,” Dawn muses.
“Yeah. They are.”
“Well good. I would have done the same thing. You want to come to the food court to get some lunch?” Dawn asks.
“I think I might set up my new home. Maybe next time?” I ask, punching my new six-numbered password into the keypad.
“Cool. Well, I finish work at four, but the Goods store is open till eight if you want to get food and things,” Dawn tells me. I nod and place my rubbish bag on the floor of my new studio.
“Thanks, Dawn, can I have a hug?” I ask. Dawn nods and I smile. She opens her arms and I wrap my own around her. The hug is warm and comforting, and I feel like I’ve met another wonderful person to share my life with.
“Lunch tomorrow though? Meet at one?” I ask.
“Sure. See you then,” Dawn says, smiling.
We say our goodbyes and I close the door behind her. I scan my new room. It’s double the size of my last one, and as I walk towards the large floor-to-ceiling window that fills one entire wall, I notice a ranch slider leading to a small balcony. I want to explore and put my things away. The room is an open plan with a bed, kitchen, small table and seating area. A door leads to what I assume is a bathroom. I smile. This place is modern, the most modern I’ve lived in in five years. And it’s all mine.
But I’m still tired. The bed, which looks like a queen, is made with a turquoise coverlet. I pull open the covers and toe my shoes off before crawling underneath the warmth and falling into a heavy sleep.
I don’t want to get up. I’m still tired, which is odd because I slept most of yesterday and I should feel rested. I also have morning training that I should go to, but I don’t want to do that either.
I stumble out of bed and head for the shower. I’m dreading washing my hair, but I go through the motions of cleaning myself anyway. And yup, more hair comes out in my hands. Maybe it’s because I’m brushing my hair with my fingers in the shower that’s causing my hair to fall out. Yeah, that must be it.
I walk to my bed in my towel and sit there. Again, I should move, but I don’t feel like it. Instead, I turn the television on, switching to the morning show for the time. And that was a dumb move. Today is my birthday. I knew it was coming up, but I’m bad at keeping track of dates, and days always seem to roll into each other.
This is my fifth birthday away from my family. I’m officially twenty-four. I let the tears that have surfaced since the realisation of this day fall off my jaw. My life has been irreversibly altered since I turned eighteen and met my mate. And I can only blame him because of it. Fuck him. And fuck the Moon Goddess and Fate. They did this to me, and I hate them for it. I wish I wasn’t born a werewolf so I didn’t have to go through this.
I want to… throw something, shift into Pandora, tear the shit out of something to get my anger out.
I growl and stamp my foot, grabbing the top sheets and pulling them off my bed with all my strength.
“Fuck you Moon Goddess!” I yell toward the ceiling.
“Fuck you for Conner! And fuck you for Alaric!” I yell. I’m panting, anger in my chest dissipating into tearing pain and sorrow. I fall onto my knees as ugly tears wreck my body.
“Why? Fucking why? Why me?” I howl in my pain.
I lie on the floor, my towel covering small parts of my body.
It’s only the fear of getting in trouble for not turning up to work when I finally force myself to move and rummage through my plastic bags for suitable clothes.
“Evie, you coming on patrol? Where are you?” Hayden links me as I pull on my pants.
“Coming, coming. Wait. Just wait,” I link back, trying to sound happy.
I’m out the door in less than two minutes and use my werewolf speed to meet Hayden and Logan at the car.
“I’m here,” I say, forcing a grin on my face.
“Are you okay?” Logan asks.
“Yup. Why wouldn’t I be?” I ask, forcing a smile on my face. He nods and I open the back seat door to the car and slide in.
During the drive I quickly brush my hair with my fingers, more hair coming out, and tie it in a messy bun. I try hard not to let my thoughts wander as we drive to our station, but every now and then I have to catch myself and sniff my feelings back in.
The walk through the bush is quiet. For me, at least. Logan and Hayden walk ahead chatting, while I lag behind. Being in the forest calms me. The smell of the leaves decomposing underfoot and the trees and wildflowers permeating the air. If I ever get my own place, I want it surrounded by trees, so isolated that the only sound I hear is the birds in the trees and the leaves blowing in the wind. I don’t even want a yard. I just want trees. A place where I can take one step outside and be in the forest.
My throat itches and I try my best to ignore it. I stifle my small coughs, grateful that the guys are so far ahead that they (hopefully) can’t hear me. Unfortunately, it becomes too much for me and I cough into my hand. Big splotches of blood explode onto my hand, along with small clusters of dark red almost black blood. I’m momentarily disgusted by the sight before me, and quickly wipe off what I can on the trunk of a tree. I get the majority off, but the rest remains as a red stain on my hand.
I meet the guys in a little patch of ground.
“Here,” Hayden smiles, handing me a bottle of water and a small sandwich.
“Thanks,” I reply, trying to smile back. I drink some of my water, saving the rest for hand-washing, and eat the meat sandwich Hayden gave me.
“Like it?” Logan asks. I nod. The sandwich is cut glazed ham, and it’s truly delicious. I try my best to eat it all, but my appetite has been waning, so I try to eat as much as I can.
“Chloe cooked a ham for dinner last night. She made these sandwiches for us this morning,” Logan tells me.
“Thank her for me, please,” I reply. Hayden nods in agreement. Both Hayden and Chole have been sending food with us to eat when on break during our patrol.
“Thank you for visiting her on Sunday,” Logan replies.
“Of course. Chloe is lovely. I really like her.”
“And she you.”
“Wait till you meet Farrah, you’ll like her, too,” Hayden tells me.
“No, she won’t. My mate’s her favourite,” Logan retorts, making me smile. Hayden is older than both of us, in his late thirties, but he acts younger.
We continue our walk, but I intentionally fall behind again. While we walk I pour the water over my hand to rinse the blood and then wipe my hand on my pants. I should bring my own water next time.
“See you at training!” Logan calls out as I veer towards the Silva House Goods store to collect Dawn for lunch.
“Yeah!” I reply, trying to make my voice sound happy. What a shit day this has become. I’ve spent the day faking my true feelings, and it isn’t easy. Even Pandora sits in my head, trying hard not to shiver in pain.
“Hi! You ready for lunch?” I ask Dawn, who sits at her seat behind the counter.
“Yes, please! Marcie is killing me today!” she cries, getting off her seat.
“Marcie?” I ask.
“Aha. She wasn’t here yesterday because her son was sick. But she came in with new fake nails this morning… so…” Dawn tells me, looping her arm around mine.
“I’m leaving for lunch, Marcie!” Dawn yells across the store.
“Happy birthday by the way. How old are you again?” she asks.
“How…” I’m about to ask, but then I remember she would have got all that information when she got me a studio room.
“I’m twenty-four,” I tell her.
“Hmm. Better say twenty-three. It matches your I.D.,” Dawn tells me. She grins and taps the side of her nose when I stop walking, indicating that my secret is safe with her.
Shit. I realise with that slip I’ve also said things that contradict my story.
“It’s cool. You can tell me when you’re ready, or not tell me at all. Come on, I’m hungry,” Dawn smiles. I nod and continue to walk with her.
We walk into the food court, and I see my teammates sitting at a table chatting. I wave to them, and they wave back, and I search the room for Isabella.
Isabella is sitting with Erin when we approach.
“Hi!” Isabella greets us with a smile.
“Who is this?” Erin asks rudely when she looks at Dawn. I roll my eyes, used to Erin’s lack of social skills.
“I’m Dawn,” Dawn replies, folding her arms defensively across her chest.
“Hi Dawn, I’m Isabella. Come and join us. Don’t mind Erin, she woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning,” Isabella says. Erin scowls but I secretly chuckle at Isabella’s defiance against Erin. Dawn sits and I join her.
“How do you know Evie?” Isabella asks.
“I went to her work and she got me a studio in building five,” I tell her. Isabella’s face gets all excited.
“Really? I’ve been on the waitlist for three months, you’re so lucky!” Isabella smiles.
“Yeah. Thanks again, Dawn,” I nod.
“Should we get food?” I ask.
“Yes, I’m hungry,” Erin states, her arms noticeably folded.
“You’re not coming?” Dawn asks as we get up.
“No. I’ll hold our table,” Erin says, pulling out her phone.
We walk around the food court and get our food.
“Hey… should we just leave Erin there and not go back to her Highness?” Dawn asks, making me laugh.
“No. She’ll get upset. But hey, we’re going to Howling Moon on Friday. Evie’s coming, you should come too,” Isabella says. I look at Isabella, who nods. She hadn’t actually invited me out on Friday, but I’m glad she’s included me in her plans.
“Really? I’d like that,” Dawn smiles.
We walk back to the table and Isabella hands Erin her food, which makes Dawn give me a look. I just shake my head slightly, asking her not to go there.
“So… Dawn… are you from this pack?” Erin asks.
“Yup. Born and raised,” Dawn says proudly.
“Really. I mean, I’ve seen you around, but you’re not a werewolf, are you? What are you exactly?” Erin asks. I’m surprised I didn’t catch that. If she’s not a werewolf I should have smelt that.
“I’m a witch,” Dawn tells her. I’m about to say that’s cool when Erin speaks up again.
“Really? Are you from Silva Ignis?” Erin asks.
“Huh?” I ask, not following.
“Silva Ignus is the local witch coven. And no, I’m from here,” Dawn says, rolling her eyes.
“What’s with the twenty questions? I thought packs were mostly integrated with other subspecies. I mean, our Luna is a Fay” I state.
“Nothing. Just wondering. Geeze,” Erin replies, curling her upper lip. I roll my eyes and change the subject by asking Isabella how her day is going. She tells us a funny story about Hank and Alexia and makes us all laugh.
We all separate at the end of lunch, promising to meet again tomorrow as well. Erin seems miffed, but I don’t care. I don’t feel like I’m friends with her as much as I feel like I’m friends with Isabella, Chole and now Dawn.
I don’t want to do anything that means I’ll be around other people when I train, so I head for the cardio and weights room instead. I’ve aimed to do twenty minutes of cardio on the treadmill followed by weights, but I don’t get to ten minutes when I have to stop. Exhaustion hits me like a freight train and I just can’t.
I’ve been able to leave early from training all week, and today’s my birthday so I convince myself that it’ll be okay. I walk past the food court thinking about getting myself something nice to eat, but I’m not hungry. I ate so much at lunch that I didn’t think I could eat again.
My studio is exactly how I’ve left it, with my bedding still strewn on the floor. All energy has left my body and I don’t have it in me to remake my bed. I throw a pillow onto my empty mattress and drag the coverlet onto my bed. It’s not ideal, but I don’t care.
“Happy birthday Georgie,” I whisper as I close my eyes for sleep.
